Snow Goons - Judges' Feedback

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

Judge {2130}

The unique perspective of the narrative voice gives the story a distinctive and inventive edge. Victor’s aloof feline attitude pours off the page thanks to the finely balanced use of language, description, and vocabulary; imbuing the story with a captivating sense of character through the writing style as well as the content. The simplicity of the plot is effective for clearly and concisely establishing a strong mental image of the setting, allowing the focus to be on the entertaining, amusing, and unique perspective of a house-cat in this otherwise ordinary scenario. It is a refreshing spin on a recognizable situation that is highly comedic and original.

Judge {2230}

I love how this story sort of reads like an animal (or an alien, even) is watching humans and reporting on their winter-based activities — it’s very fun! It’s descriptive, as well, with a great last line for the ending. Creative use of the prompts, too! This story reads quite smoothly — but also feels deliberate — at least partially because of those italicized words.

Judge {2112}

This was a clever take on the prompts. I like that your characters are viewed from the eyes of a creature, giving them animalistic qualities as well. 

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

Judge {2130}

Whilst the intention behind calling the humans by their kinship noun can be seen, there could be an argument for using their first names in the story instead to more naturally reflect how Victor might recognize them. When going about his daily life, where does Victor gain the concept of Cousin, Father, and Uncle from in order to relate them to these three humans he shares his territory with? Would it be more likely for him to hear them speak to one another using their names, and therefore pick these up as their identifiers?  The intention to create a sense of “other” is clear, and in many ways suits the context of the story overall, but it’s specific presentation in this way perhaps doesn’t feel as logical or authentic as it could do. Using ordinary first names and relying on other elements - such as the early introduction of Cousin as a "diminutive human" - to establish these differences instead; or finding a way of blending this intention with the story logic in a more seamless way, such as writing their names phonetically on the page so that they appear as Victor might hear them (e.g., using “Tomuhs” for “Thomas”), could make this element smoother, and allow focus to be drawn to the other fantastic elements of the story overall.

Judge {2230}

This is a minor suggestion, but perhaps there could be just a bit of dialogue to help break up all of the action. This could make for an especially comedic moment if this story is, in fact, told through the eyes of an animal, or something other than human. They might struggle to translate what exactly the humans are saying — perhaps grossly misinterpreting their language. If the humans are speaking English, for example, then perhaps it could come across more as “Simlish” (that is, the sort-of-English-but-not-quite language that those animated characters speak in The Sims games!) Just some food for thought; excellent work on this story!

Judge {2112}

The italicized bits are a little distracting; I'm not sure what their function is here. I think, too, you could amplify some of the physical comedy for a more humorous effect, and make it a little more clear who/what Victor is.

My Thoughts

I love getting judge’s feedback for these competitions. Honestly, the real value of the exercise, in my opinion, is the feedback itself! (Of course, I would say that, I’ve never won!) In this instance, the constructive feedback consisted of several things that I had never considered, and several other things I actually did on purpose. I find the mixed opinion on the italics is interesting. One judge liked them, the other judge found them distracting. This I’ll toss up to preference. I like the italics. I think including the emphasis on certain words or phrases over others helps us understand the characters.

The suggestion to use “Simlish “ dialogue is fantastic, and I think I’ll use that idea in one of the future Cat Chronicles! I feel like it’s kind of a waste of space in a story like this with such a low word allotment. Why waste space on nonsense words when you only have 100 to throw around? But I love the concept generally.

The biggest note that I go back and forth about is the use of kinship nouns. I actually originally wrote this story using names for all the humans! For some reason, it felt kind of weird... In other Cat Chronicle entries, the cats only ever talk about Father and Mother. Not too cumbersome. But the introduction of a more extended family definitely made the use of kinship nouns a bit more cumbersome. So I’m not sure if using names is a better option or not. I do really appreciate the judge’s suggestion of having the names be phonetic spellings, but I worry that the names will sound too child-like. I also have had a sort of head-canon for all the cats that only other Cats get Names. Like those names come from the cats themselves, and aren’t given by humans. But then, why would they make that distinction? It’s certainly something I’ll be considering more for all future entries into the series!

The Intruder Judges' Feedback

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

Judge {2022}

Going for a non-human character to complete this action was not an obvious choice, but it was an inspired one. Your third-person omniscient narration coupled with indirect discourse was an effective way to access Charle's unique perspective, his particular disdain for wood being just one example.

Judge {2074}

The way in which you build suspense through Charles' observations are very successful. This is especially true in the way in which he is tracking movement. It allows us to feel like we are very much in his mindset.

You provide us with enough information to allow ourselves to visualize the creatures on our own through your mentioning of claws and sharp teeth, which makes the story feel more exciting and active than if you were to describe their appearance through exposition.

Judge {1788}

The descriptions of Charles' destruction were animated and realistic. Due to the sharp prose, the reader can feel his pleasure when he tears apart the magazine.

The gestures of both characters were extremely well-written. It made the climax visible and suspenseful. 

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

Judge {2022}

In revision, focus on enhancing the emotional core of your story. For now, the drama derives from Charles' preoccupation with the magazine and the spider (so, more action-based.) However, there could be more to his relationship with his brother Victor and his mother.

Judge {2074}

There isn't yet enough information about the world  of the story to understand the context of the creatures and why they are musing over humans.

It would be helpful to also understand why Mother needs protecting.

Judge {1788}

To strengthen the conflict, the author should consider how Charles changes internally over the course of the story. Is he an older animal trying to prove he's not worthless? Did he dislike the baby at first and then learn to appreciate Brother Victor more during this incident? In dramatic works, it's crucial that the protagonist have some type of character arc. Giving Charles his own personal journey will deepen the conflict a great deal.

"An Intruder" has wonderful action descriptions and an original main character. If the author develops Charles' character arc further, it will be stronger as a result.

Snow Goons

This is my entry to the 2022 NYC Midnight 100-word Microfiction competition. Hoo boy, 100 words is even more difficult than 250. Every word has to have a purpose. I didn’t manage to place in the top 15 to move onto the next step for this competition, but I really love this little story. I’ll be posting the judges’ feedback soon, as well!

Anyway, here’s Snow Goons, another entry into the Cat Chronicles!

….

The diminutive human, Cousin, swirls his flannel-wrapped paws over the freezing surface of a large snow-orb. Uncle stacks a fresh, lumpy orb atop it and Cousin babbles delightedly. Father laughs, observing.

Victor whines, bored, pressing his nose to the cold window-glass. He lounges on carpet-platforms, chewing his paw thoughtfully. He doesn't love this season of poisonous plants. The electric lights twinkle pleasingly, but the humans are so distracted.

Cousin takes a daring, unbalanced step toward the orb-man. His little booted feet slide through the wet snow, splitting in opposite directions. Cousin splats.
Victor supposes winter isn't completely devoid its entertainments.

The Intruder

This is my second entry to the NYCMidnight 2021 Microfiction Challenge! Unfortunately, I was super sick the weekend of the entry (thanks, COVID!), so I ended up turning my piece in late. Hopefully I will still get feedback, but it definitely sucks to be disqualified. In any case, I always enjoy writing about my oldest son, Charles.

Hope you enjoy!


Charles pawed at the folio of shiny pages. With a gentle push, he knew the glossy thing would slither off the side of the wooden perch and smack satisfyingly on the wooden floor. Charles mused on the humans' love of wood. Slippery. Terrible for ambushes.

Mother’s “magazine,” filled with squiggles and scent-free likenesses of humans, dropped to the floor with a satisfying slap. Young Brother Victor startled at the noise, woken from sleep across the room, curled in a basket.

Good stay vigilant, young one.

Brother Victor was a special boy. He needed protecting. He slept too deeply. He did not serve as a particularly competent protector of Mother, but… he was warm to curl up with.

Charles scraped at the sleek cover of the magazine with his claws. He easily flicked it open. His mouth watered. He bent forward, delicately puncturing the thick paper with sharp teeth. He pulled his head backward, dragging his teeth through the cardstock. With the first bite, he was lost in the pleasure of destruction, and he began tearing in earnest. Bits of magazine paper stuck to his rough tongue.

Movement.

Charles froze. He waited.

There. Spider.

Charles rushed forward, ducking behind a basket filled with toys. Charles knew this foe could give a terrible bite. He must be swift. He settled his balance, preparing.

Another movement.

Brother Victor gamboled across the room, clumsily approaching the skittering creature. His whole body wiggled, preparing to pounce. Charles hissed a warning. Brother Victor froze.

Charles pounced.

Prompt:

Imaginary Numbers Judges' Feedback

The judges were very kind to me on this one. The trend that I’ve really picked up on so far in all of these feedback sessions is that I seem to excel at visual description in my scripts, which really makes me happy. It’s a FILM SCRIPT, so thank goodness I’m able to describe visuals well enough!

Next thing to work on is definitely my loglines! It’s quite stupid, on reflection, to put such a heavy spoiler in my logline. I find it really difficult to play that gap between putting too much information versus not enough information. Loglines can’t be too vague or generic, but they also really don’t want to spoil your entire film, right? Difficult to toe that line.

Also, my ending was clearly a bit of a flop. I thought that the double-down on the daydream would be effective, but it definitely wasn’t. Upon reflection, I totally agree with the judges on that! I phoned the finale in, and it could use some rework!

Now for the judges feedback!

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

Judge {2103}

This is a fun story, that moves briskly, thanks to the writer's skill at creating powerful, clear visual images. The complete twist from the setup, in the fourth paragraph, is a terrific kickoff to a very well-written series of action sequences. The two reveals are a lot of fun. Changing the logline -- basically a spoiler -- to avoid explaining what's to come will increase the shock value and humor of the double ending. "Take a wok!" is a clever line that adds to the hyped-up tone of the action sequence. It's also nice to see a fantasy sequence where the woman takes charge, wowing the man, not the other way around.

Judge {1943}

'Imaginary Numbers' was a delightful, endearing screenplay. I loved the fantasy of the fight, especially the craziness of Jasmine fighting off the Ninjas with rolling pins. Your action scenes were vivid and strongly paced - I would love to see them on screen. I particularly loved the moment when Larry lunged into the fight and hit the minion over the head with a pan! The ending of the script was equally fun. This was a very cute script, with engaging characters, a fun premise, and strong pacing. Great work!

Judge {2092}

The energy and action in the fight scene make for an engaging story. Jasmine's personality comes through in the sequence, giving the audience a great character to follow.

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

Judge {2103}

This is a fun screenplay. As stated, the logline is a spoiler -- consider changing it to avoid revealing the surprise. In order to heighten the comedic contrast between a ninja battle and a home ec classroom homeroom, and Jasmine's fighting prowess, add some visuals of how the class is reacting to the battle on page 1. 'There will be no "hanging on!"' is a confusing line.

Judge {1943}

I wonder if you could just make it a little clearer whether the fight scene was purely Jasmine's fantasy, or whether it was also Larry's. I found myself wondering about this after the end of the script, as Larry pulled out the cake for Jasmine. I wasn't sure whether this was also Jasmine's fantasy, or if it was Larry's. This felt a little too ambiguous to me, and I couldn't quite decide what your intentions were. I didn't feel that you needed a special effect to show that it was a dream scene, but maybe the characters' behavior could make it a little more clear as the dreams started?

Judge {2092}

The energy and pacing are lost in the ending of the story. The reveal that everything is a daydream takes away from the engaging action/drama with the ninjas, losing the engagement with the audience. The latter daydream from Larry also feels repetitive, and is a jarring change in perspective. Consider sticking with the outlandish ninja story, leaving it up to the audience to decide what is real and what isn't. This will lead to an ending with more impact.

Imaginary Numbers

So here we have my entry into the 3rd round of the NYC Midnight short screenplay competition and… OOF BOOF. This was probably the most difficult prompt I’ve received so far in one of these challenges.

It is SO DIFFICULT to be funny on command. Especially in a situation where you have a very limited window to come up with something funny. And I don’t think it’s particularly my specialty to write pieces that are laugh out loud funny. I think I can do wry comedy or dry comedy pretty well, but not on command most of the time.

Having said that, this was an incredible opportunity for me to challenge myself. I don’t think that the story or writing are particularly strong on this one, so I understand why I didn’t place in this round. I did receive an honorable mention, which is nice of them, but it’s definitely not my best work. Having said that, let’s look at this screenplay. I’ll post the judge’s feedback for this one shortly, as well!

Ghost Watch Judge’s Feedback

As per usual, the judge’s feedback for this round was pretty fantastic! I got a lot of ideas for what to change and fix and to think about when writing more. It makes my heart happy that so many people love the setting specifically because basically I'm just writing about my cats. I think they're hilarious and fascinating and I enjoy that people might feel that way, too.

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

Judge {2128}

I love the protagonist here -- it's refreshing with an air of playfulness and levity that works wonderfully.

Grimalkin's hunt has a good balance of exposition and action. The introduction of Brother Charles, their comraderie, and shared mission was a nice touch.

Judge {1751}

Of course, I loved the idea of mixing ghost story with child fiction. Grimalkin and Brother Charles were both charming characters with a lot of personality, though they were nonhuman. Oh, and I love the way you described how Grimalkin moved. Great job.

Judge {1795}

This is a wonderful ghost story. Anyone who has had a cat will find this story very interesting. Cats always seem to jump around at things that aren't there...but what if it was ghosts looking to accost the living!? Wonderfully imaginative!

I love the way that Grimalkin addresses things and people. "New Home", "human Mother", "Brother Charles" and so on. It's nice to see this difference between cats and humans; not placing too much humanity on the cats.

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

Judge {2128}

I wondered about "New Home" and the reason for that detail's inclusion, especially with the added phrase, "Wanderers did appear occasionally." How long have they been in this home?

If the specter is following Mother, is it haunting her? I also wondered about the difference between hauntings and Wanderers.

Judge {1751}

So is the Specter trying to hurt or bother mother? If not, why does Grimalkin feel the need to hurt the specter? Or is it simply an instinct that he must obey? Perhaps this is worth exploring or clarifying in any way. If you need to delete any words do to this, I would consider deleting "a moment, and" "Other animals don't leave ghosts, but" "older" "in the day". I wonder if you can address this, but that's only a suggestion.

Judge {1795}

I'm wondering if there is any merit in giving the reader a glimpse into what it is that the human Mother thinks of Grimalkin jumping around. People often chastise their cats for being nutty or just seemingly jumping around overly hyper. This would add an element of reality to the piece for the reader, realizing that they do the same thing, not thinking that maybe their cats are defending them.

Ghost Watch

This year I entered the NYCMidnight 2021 Microfiction Challenge and discovered… microfiction is difficult. I never realized until I was actively writing for this competition exactly how few 250 words really are. I am, however, really starting to get a handle on my writing process. It’s frustrating, but it seems that I’m a burst-writer. I spend a lot of time brainstorming and forming stories in my head. I’ll still be writing stories, letting them percolate in the coffeemaker of my brain for a long time before I’m actually able to write them down.

Why? I have no idea. It’s extremely frustrating. There will be weeks where I want to do is write. Then there will be weeks where I can’t force myself to write, even if the story feels fully-formed in my brain.

Stress definitely has something to do with it. When I’m really busy at work, I don’t have the mental energy a lot of the time to write. I know this is a common problem, so I’m not alone. I’m working on it! I need strategies to decompress and refill my creative reserves faster.

Anyway, here’s my submission for this year’s Microfiction Challenge. I’m absolutely going to do this challenge again next year, I think!

My inspirations for this spoopy tale!

Ghost Watch

Grimalkin tensed. His body coiled like a spring and his blunted claws dug into the rug, worrying for purchase. After a moment, and a wiggle of his hind quarters, he launched himself across the living room, running, keeping his body ducked down low. Time to hunt. Time to play. He, as all cats, could see the ghosts of the human dead. Other animals don't leave ghosts, but humans always linger when they shouldn't. New Home wasn't specifically haunted, but Wanderers did appear occasionally.

His quarry floated, luminescent in his superior feline vision, though human Mother could not see the specter following her as she walked between rooms. Grimalkin leapt into the air, his claws sunk satisfyingly into the flesh of the trespassing spirit. It howled with a sound like wind through a tunnel and discorporated into nothingness. But the Wanderer would return. Grimalkin went to fetch Brother Charles. Backup was needed.


Grimalkin grumbled a subvocal warning as he approached older brother Charles's lair. Brother awoke with a chirp, blinking sleep out of his golden eyes. It was Grimalkin's shift to patrol; Charles was resting from scaring off this particular ghost earlier in the day. Together, we can drive it off for good. Brother Charles stretched languidly. He yawned and flexed his sharp claws. Grimalkin licked sleep out of Brother Charles's eyes. Charles returned the favor, smoothing back a tuft of Grimalkin's wild mane. They grumbled together — an agreement — and turned as one to await the Wandering ghost's return.

Magyar Állami Operaház: Judges' Feedback and Thoughts

You know, I am really starting to love writing for the NYC Midnight Challenges. The feedback is the real gold here, it’s always super thoughtful and interesting, and it gives me things to think about and work on for my future projects.

One big thing that the judges called out for this story as being well done was the scene-setting, and holy crap am I proud of that! I really did the work on this one. I used google maps to remind myself of the street view in front of the opera, I researched the history of the building and its surrounds, AND I even found a virtual tour where I could move around the opera house, made also by Google, using their streetview engine, it seems.

I actually had to back off and remove some of the description that I added, which I probably could have done a little more of, looking at their comments on what could use work, but I’m really proud of what I did. I definitely had moments writing this where my brain felt too full trying to do justice to the geography and spectacle of such a fantastic building, but I’m so glad that I persevered.

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR SCREENPLAY

Judge {1943}

The worldbuilding in this short screenplay was excellent. I loved the vividness of the setting in the Opera House. You created strong tension with László's repeat of "never" as he told Tamas all the things that he must "never" do. Of course, we then know that Tamas will break these rules, which created a wonderful sense of anticipation! The opera scene was powerful and haunting.

I loved the balance of horror and beauty as Tamas watched the incredible scene yet became frozen in place. The revelation that the company continued to try to complete the opera every night was disturbing and unsettling. This was a very strong story - very well done!

Judge {1995}

Your setting is fantastic! The care for details in describing the interior of the Opera house is stunning. You really bring the building to life. It made me want to go there! And the section when Tamas steps into the Opera House auditorium--the descriptions, pacing, and action come alive with so much poetry. The way you describe the stage, lights, actors, etc is just  luscious.

Moments I love are: a ghostly Ensemble forms from nowhere, spreading out from center stage like blood flowing from a wound; A full, lavish set appears in ghostly haze, as if viewed through a veil. Pinpricks of ghostly light appear in the orchestra pit -- candles on music stands lighting ghostly sheet music; Tamás shivers as a wave of cold freezes him in place. His heavy breath explodes in a gout of fog. Frost forms on his skin, crystals cling to his eyelashes and hair. And the when the fire begins you use the grotesque to really bring the horror of the fire alive so beautifully.

Well done!

Judge {2060}

The atmosphere of the empty opera house at night is brilliant and haunting! I was really drawn in by the unlit chandeliers and the sound of music floating echoing through the halls. There's also some strong and imaginative visual imagery in your story, with the ghosts singing as they catch on fire.

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

Judge {1943}

I  would always be cautious about a character speaking to himself. This feels a little contrived, as you use it to show that Tamas must have been in the Opera House before as a singer, and again with "Libiamo... I was in this opera...". Could you find another way to show this, without the character talking out loud to give your exposition? I think if Tamas just said the name of the opera it would be enough, as ti would show that he had knowledge of music, without spelling out that he had performed in it. Could he maybe start humming along, with an impressive talent, so we know he must have been a singer himself? This would show us, instead of telling us.

(NOTE: shit, this is a good idea. And one that I think I considered at one point, and might have even had in a draft. I ended up putting the line in of him speaking to himself b/c I worried it wouldn’t be absolutely clear that Tamas was actually an opera singer himself, and that’s one of the reasons he was lured into the theatre. But yeah, it’s decidedly clunky, and I felt that way at the time. I’m glad the judge called this one out.)

I was curious about the ending. Were we supposed to know for sure that Tamas was going to die, as he couldn't get out through the door? I wonder if you could make this a little more clear.

I wasn't sure about the fact that Tamas's stomach grumbled. This felt rather odd, and didn't seem necessary to the plot.

Judge {1995}

Two things:

One, is you mention that TAMÁS was a singer before, and is now "back again" as a security guard. Is this something disappointing and difficult for him? I would imagine it is. Did he fail at singing? I suggest fleshing this out a bit more--let us know why he isn't singing anymore, and how it feels to return as a security guard. Was he injured in a way that caused harm to his voice? And being a security guard at least allows him to be in a place he loves? Whatever the story is with Tamas, It will go a long way in fleshing out his character and the overall story.

(NOTE: YES. I agree with this criticism so much, but I was really constrained by the length limit of 5 pages, and I made the choice to go with a more atmospheric-driven story instead of a character-driven story with the space that I had.)

And along with that, you say "Back again" but when LÁSZLÓ shows him around, it feels like TAMÁS has never seen the interior before. I would tidy that up a bit if he has been there and show that he is familiar with parts of the interior, but  there are also rooms he has never been privy to.

(NOTE: YES. Great note. SHIT!)

And lastly, I wasn't 100% clear on what is happening in the ending. What are the rules on this ghostly situation? If you stay inside the auditorium after hours you are unable to leave? Hypnotized physically and mentally, therefore stuck? And what happen if you do get stuck? Do you burn as the former cast burned? It just isn't completely clear in that last scene with LÁSZLÓ.

And how many times has it happened since he mentions he will never be able to retire? Small but important details.

Judge {2060}

Choose carefully what details you choose to focus on in your scene descriptions. Being specific is great, but giving us details about the color of the wall tiles, or the specifics of the wooden floors and the placement of the rug in the room, doesn't bring a lot of substance to your story. Details like Tamás' creased, sweaty shirt tell us a lot about the character, and the setting, the details about lighting are great. The colour of the tiles or the size of the rug is something that will change based on filming location or the art department, and really has no impact on the story. You could have given us more insight into your protagonist rather than the intricate descriptions of location you went for.

THOUGHTS

Overall, I really do agree with most of what the judges said in their criticisms, though i will forgive myself a bit because of the page limit constraints. Five pages is just so little time to do what I wanted with this piece. I really wanted it to be as atmospheric as possible, which ended up being a bit to the detriment of the character development and the ending.

I plan to eventually go back into this one and flesh out the character a little bit more. Maybe have a line of dialogue between Tamas and Laszlo where Tamas excitedly tells Laszlo that he’s been here a couple of times as a student to see performances. He’s even perhaps performed there once himself as part of a student production! Of course, Laszlo does not give a shit. He’ll be dismissive of Tamas, and it will highlight Tamas’s pain at the loss of his potential opera career.

I don’t mind what “happened” to Tamas being somewhat a mystery, because that aspect of the story isn’t one that I think matters all that much. What matters is that he had this thing that he loved, and he lost it. Now he’s living in the “after,” trying to hold on to some aspect of it by taking this job.

I’m also considering fleshing out the ending a little bit more to make it clearer that, yes. Tamas dies at the end. He is swallowed by the ghosts of the opera.

The one piece of advice I won’t be following as much is the advice from Judge 2060. I might agree with them when it comes to the scene description if I was creating an opera house wholesale, but I’m setting this story in a very famous building, and i think it’s important to create the atmosphere for the reader/audience. The place is visually stunning and I think that aspect of the story is absolutely important. Having said that, more character description for how Tamas looks in comparison to the grandeur and splendor around him could absolutely help with the scene setting even more!

Magyar Állami Operaház

I really like Hungary. I visited there for the very first time in 2018 and it was a really awesome experience. One place I really wanted to go, but couldn’t because it was being renovated at the time, was the Hungarian State Opera House. It’s gorgeous and supposedly has some of the best acoustics in the world. Next time, of course I’ll go, but the place has a bit of mystery around it in my head because I wasn’t able to visit. That’s sort of where the inspiration for this short came from. That, and a mental brainstorm with one of my best friends, Tom, for whom the main character is named.

Every time I get one of these prompts, I run them past my family and friends and ask them for their immediate reactions and thoughts. The back and forth with so many people helps me get a sense of what ideas might be the most obvious and what ideas might be more unique and up my writing alley. It’s a process that works really well for me because I have awesome friends and family. And I’m honestly pretty proud of how this piece turned out. It was a great effort for what ended up being a really stressful weekend in my life! I hope you like it!

Just two ridiculously cool people hanging out in Hungary <3

One Page Screenwriting Challenge — August 7, 2021

So, here’s a really cool thing for any screenwriters out there looking for practice and challenges/rubrics to help develop their writing skills. Scripthive has a weekly One Page Challenge that they host on their Discord. You have a week to write a single page that includes all 3 elements in the rubric. It’s a great challenge, and the members of the Discord give each other feedback and vote on each other’s stories. The person who gets the most votes wins. There’s also guest judges that pop in every now and then. I definitely recommend it for any screenwriters who are looking to exercise their chops.

I’ve only done a few of these challenges, but I’m working towards pushing myself to do more of them. Below is my very first OPC and the rubric it’s based off of!

Here’s the feedback that I got on my page! I wasn’t able to go back and repost my story again — work got super busy, BUT, this feedback is more than I get on an average week for my writing, and I think a lot more feedback than most people get. I’d definitely recommend this challenge, as well as this community, to all upcoming and practicing screenwriters!

Venus Snow Judges' Feedback and Thoughts

Here is my feedback from the judges of the 2021 NYC Midnight challenge. There's a lot of great constructive criticism in here, I'm really impressed by how thoughtful their comments are.

''Venus Snow'' by Katy Merry Hannah

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR SCREENPLAY

{Judge 2024} I really appreciated the descriptive detail in the action lines of this piece. The descriptions were so beautiful and compelling!

Also, I really enjoyed how this scene makes a simple breakfast feel engaging, as we learn about each of the character's and their purpose on the ship. I appreciated the underlying emotional arch as well, regarding Austin.

{Judge 2026} What an interesting premise: readers watch a space crew navigate through a Venusian hurricane, making breakfast and remembering their fallen comrade. The team dynamic adds an emotional atmosphere of interpersonal interdependency. The chicken discussion is especially heart-warming and fun. I especially like how the scrambled eggs are included, a cheering gesture. The descriptions of the ship, its furniture, and the weather outside are all working well to create setting. Thanks for sharing your writing with us!

{Judge 1837} The immediate details of the storm patterns and symptoms on Venus are vivid and intriguing to the setting and in understanding how Jae is coping with the atmosphere. The systematic descriptions of the kitchen's functions are well explained and feel authentic to this station. The casual dialogue between the crew feels familiar and authentic.

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

{Judge 2024} This piece has a great foundation. However, the one part that I was confused about was the final piece of dialogue from Odette-- about her niece. It felt off tone from the rest of the story, and I couldn't piece together why it was relevant to the story. (Also, still unsure if Austin was a romantic partner of Odette or Jae, or a sibling, or just a crew member.)

In general, action lines are kept to a maximum of 4-5 lines per paragraph, and when a new beat or character action occurs, a new section / paragraph is made.

Additionally, although I like the phrasing of "time passes" on page 4/6, it could be a new scene with a scene title and time descriptor (example: INT. JAMES STATION, VENUS - LATER).

{Judge 2026} I feel as though we never get to read about what happened to Austin. I feel as though the reader expects to find out what happened eventually. Instead, the team goes on ignoring the traumatic events of the recent past. I wonder if a future version might allude to or offer a clue as to what happened to him, although I'd encourage you to dive deeper, as this is the emotional core of the piece. Allowing the team to talk about Austin could also help remedy the incomplete narrative arc.

{Judge 1837} Jae is holding onto the pain of losing Austin and feels responsible for it. Is there any other insight into who Austin was as a member of this squad? A brief morsel of information that could ground his ghost to this setting? How long has the crew been awaiting a break in the storm?

Venus Snow

Hey everyone! Here my screenplay for Venus Snow, which I wrote for the NYC Midnight Short Screenplay Competition 2021. This is my first round entry and it ended up getting 4th place out of around 35. Not too shabby! Hopefully we can do match that or even do better in the next round!

Ferndale Manor: NYC Midnight Feedback

In my previous blog, I posted a short film that I wrote for the 2020 NYC Midnight Short Screenplay Challenge. Spoiler alert — I didn’t win. But that really doesn’t matter in a competition like this. It’s a writing exercise with stakes, which is something that really motivates me to not only try, but really stretch myself in genres and settings that I don’t often explore.

If you haven’t read the screenplay yet, I highly suggest doing that before reading the judges' feedback. I was really positively impressed by the feedback given from the festival, and I’ll let it stand on its own as proof that all screenwriters can really benefit from entering this competition. It’s an excellent chance for growth. I don’t agree with all their suggestions, but just hearing them helps me understand places where I need to be a little clearer with my writing.

Judges’ Feedback

''Ferndale Manor'' by Katy Merry Hannah

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

{2075}  The beginning is able to draw the audience in by bringing them straight into the action and then introducing them to the Valet and the Chambermaid in the middle of it all. Then the intrigue about how these characters got themselves into this situation and what is going to happen to them next is enough to keep the audience engaged.

The dialogue also moves the story along well and enables the audience to understand the role of each character in the world through how they present themselves  {2065}  Ferndale Manor seems to be an interesting place full of activity, mystery, and ‘distinguished’ partygoers and staff. The writer has instilled this horror-based genre screenplay with suspense and intrigue, insinuating that The Master has a dark side. Although there are multiple characters involved, the Valet and the Chambermaid seem to be the most developed and authentic. They appear to have distinct and transparent personalities that leverage their dialogue and action genuinely. The writer understands the fundamental structure and format for screenwriting for shorts. 

{2103}  "Ferndale Manor" surprises the reader from the jump, seeming to present a Gothic costume drama which turns out to be set in a scifi world. Well-chosen details, stylized dialogue and formalized customs create intensity, and give us the feel of the stately manor and "otherness" of the setting. The writer is skilled at conveying the visual succinctly and specifically. The atmosphere of horror, such as the scenes in the greenhouse and the forest, pervades throughout, alternating effectively with lighter moments such as the carefree sexual encounter between the Chambermaid and the Valet. 

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK

{2075}  There are a few things that you may want to look into:

You should always include the time of day in the scene heading, even if no time has really passed. As this allows the reader to be able to follow along with the timeline.

Also, on page 8 'they are lead' should be 'they are led'.

It would also have been interesting if we could have found out what exactly the Master has on The Valet in order for him to betray his love. Some knowledge would enable the audience to understand his motivations better. 

{2065}  The writer showcases a concise delivery for the action passages; however, a further tightening of these passages will help leverage the delivery and increase the pace when and where needed. Hence, when a new scene is announced with a scene title, the action passage immediately following should contain clear and concise detail, the bare bones of what lies ahead.

Also, a question mark hangs over the Valet. Specifically, his involvement in the Chambermaid’s demise is confusing, especially when they were going to escape together. Does the Valet have a change of heart when reminded of his duties to save his neck, or is he part of The Master’s ways and tricked the Chambermaid from the get-go? Since the character prompt for this horror is a valet, clarifying his involvement will help link the plot elements/twists and showcase the Valet in a more convincing and clear-cut manner. 

{2103}  This script has some truly startling moments, such as the one in the greenhouse. However, the most climactic plot points are not clear. Are the tiny arms growing liked plants or buried after being murdered? Why isn't the Valet aware of what goes on in the house he serves? What is the significance of the contract the Young Man signs? Is he now a concubine to the Master? We should at least know what he thinks he's signing -- what he gets out of it besides a gold pen. Likewise, the Valet comes back from some harrowing encounter in the woods -- is it perhaps a ritual sacrifice? But it would seem to elevate his station since the nobles are lizard-y. What has the Master gotten from the Valet at that point? Clarify these moments and the script will shine.

Moving on…

By the way, the 2021 NYC Screenplay festival will have already happened by the time this is posted! Here’s the parameters for this current challenge.

Ferndale Manor: a short film script

This short screenplay is my first entry into the NYC Midnight Short Screenplay Challenge. Like the 48 Hour Film Project challenges, (which I’ve also participated in!) this is a timed competition. You get the weekend to create a short film script based upon a genre, location, and object. Not going to lie, the 48 is a really fun competition. It’s probably the best way for new filmmakers to figure out whether or not they actually like the realities of the artform. You have to commit to an idea, write a script, film, then edit a film in 48 hours. It’s an intense gauntlet of filmmaking challenges.

On the other hand, for the NYC Midnight challenge, “all” you have to do is write a short screenplay in 48 hours. It’s almost relaxing after the experience of the 48.

For my first NYC Midnight challenge, I wrote this screenplay, called Ferndale Manor. My genre was horror, my object was a contract, and my location was a house. I personally think the screenplay is pretty good as the product of 48 hours to write, revise, and edit. I think there’s a lot of potential here for a whole Victorian-esque horror universe. Perhaps I could have it be within the Bells & Whispers cinematic universe, just at a different era in time.

Please feel free to comment on this post and let me know if you like the screenplay! I’ll be posting the feedback I received on this work as my next blog post.

London in Film [Academic Musings]

So, obligatory “I spent a Summer studying FILM in London.” It was an incredible experience, watching these films and going to the locations that still look so incredibly similar. I love British film. This class really instilled a deep appreciation for how London has been depicted in film and TV over the decades.

This is the final term paper that I wrote for the class.

London In Film: A Study

2012

            There is a dichotomy when it comes to depicting the East and West End London in films.  Films depicting London have often relied on class stereotypes to tell their stories.  There is also a focus, or preoccupation, some would say, on class divisions in British cinema.  These themes have passed through the years, and across different genres.  In this paper we will discuss this dichotomy between film representations of East and West London in films such as Piccadilly (E.W. Dupont, 1929), We Are the Lambeth Boys (Karel Reisz, 1958), Bermondsey (Claude Whatham, 1972), and Sweeney Todd (Tim Burton, 2007).

            We will discuss these films in terms of personal relationships along class-divides, visual differences in the hard city of London, actual buildings, and differences in the soft city, or, what we can glean from the representation of social life in these films.  Through this exploration, we can hope to find what these common themes say about the city itself, and we can understand the ways in which London is used as both character and setting.  London as a setting is completely unique, as there are few cities with such distinct and historically significant landmarks.  This film exploration will follow these films chronologically.

            Piccadilly, a film from 1929, set in a swinging London, begins in an upper class club, filled with white waiters and patrons.  The film opens up displaying the intense affection between the club owner, Valentine, and his star dancer, Mabel.  Soon, however, Valentine falls in lust with an enigmatic Chinese dancer from Limehouse named Shosho.  He makes her his new star attraction and raises her into the echelons of the upper class, though she is never truly accepted as anything more than a novelty.  The rest of the film plays out this love triangle with the appropriate amount of misfortune befalling Shosho for her presumption to try to enter upper-class British society.

            In terms of the relationship between Shosho and those of the East end with those of the West end, there are some key differences, and key failures on the part of the filmmakers to adequately adapt the manner of speech communication to the different classes.  Valentine does not speak to Shosho like she is of a lower class, and conversely, Shosho does not speak as if she is a member of a lower social class.  Jon Burrows[1] mentions in his article “A Vague Chinese Quarter Elsewhere,” that the story was written by Arnold Bennett, a British writer who spent much of his life in France, and not enough time in London to adequately understand the differing types of language and accent which occur amongst different classes.  The relationship between Shosho and Valentine is exceedingly equal-- he treats her like he treats his British lover.  However, he joins her more often in Limehouse than she joins him in high society, showing that while she has succeeded as a novelty, she will never be truly recognized by higher society.

            In terms of the hard city, the consensus is that London is not represented accurately.  Burrows[2], once again, asserts that Dupont created a London with a lack of British culture. Dupont presents critical reviews which call the environment too continental.  The sets and the buildings, representations of the hard city, do not necessarily present the uniqueness of London.  Besides the thick fog in Limehouse, the film could have been filmed in any city.

            The soft city representation is also criticized by Burrows as being too continental, and inaccurately representing the social life of London in the 20’s.  The upper class seems frivolous and carefree, and the lower class seems lazy and dishonest.  Valentine is portrayed as a womanizer with business troubles, but he is morally ambiguous; whereas, Shosho and the other Chinese residents of Limehouse are seen as cheats, liars, and in the end, murderers.  They revel at living in squalor and do not work hard for their money.  A key scene of this in the movie is when Valentine buys Shosho a costume.  The shop owner refuses to sell the costume for less than an exorbitant amount, and Shosho holds Valentine hostage, refusing to dance for him unless he purchases the costume.  The whole scene feels like a conspiracy between the Chinese characters to take Valentine’s money.  There is a racial connotation of Shosho and the Chinese being novelties, and their actual presence within the culture of London as an intrusion.  The Oriental decoration and dancing is alright when it is in abstract, an idea for amusement, but when the people invade with their physical being is when immigration and integration of the Chinese into upper-class British society becomes an area of contention in this and other films of the time.

            A different type of film which has consistently focused on the class divide, North vs. South, and East vs. West, is documentary.  We have just discussed a silent film of the 1920’s, and our next film is “We are the Lambeth Boys,” a late 1950’s documentary depicting the lives of working-class youth in the Lambeth area.  This documentary film begins with a look at these youth in their club, then moves on to talk about where they work and their daily lives.  In the end, the film focuses on holidays or field-trips in which the males get to play cricket and have afternoon tea at an upper-class club-- a once-a-year event.

            It is this tea and cricket game which is most interesting.  The event affects the boys’ behavior in a negative way, as they lean out of a truck, shouting and screaming at people on the street.  The West end’s citizens in the street appeared scandalized on many occasions by this lower-class disturbance to their everyday lives.  The relationship between the boys and the upper-class males during the cricket game is telling, because the “main” game takes place on the prime area, in white uniforms, situated right by the upper-class women and men having their afternoon tea, whereas the boys from Lambeth were playing their louder, rougher cricket game on the end of the field farther away.  The film gives the sense that the boys are shoved out of the way, and that their purpose and presence at the club is charity, especially as the narrative tells the audience what a treat it is for these boys to get to visit the upper-class club for afternoon tea.

            Besides the appearance that the relationship between the Lambeth boys and the club members is one of pity, and that their presence in the club is a novelty, it seems that class and socioeconomic level is split by the Hard city itself.  The moment the boys cross into Lambeth over Westminster Bridge, they immediately become calm and pacified.  The documentary gives the class divide a physical divide at the river.  The focus on the hard city of London is generally south of the river, except in that last scene, where we drive by many London landmarks, including Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament.  There is a distinct sense of London as a city which transcends time.  In the background, there is the history of the second World War, which can be reflected in the relative boredom of these youth found in the soft city in this film.

            Boredom was prevalent for these youth, who lived in the years following World War II.  Peter Ackroyd[3] discusses how Boys Clubs (such as the Lambeth Boys’ Club) and youth clubs were emerging and “flourishing” in great numbers, and how this was probably due to an “air of mild oppression, like a hangover after the excitement of war.”  He addresses issues of class by stating “the chummy egalitarianism of enforced contact between the classes, were phenomena strictly of the past.” This is an interesting assertion, which can be utilized to analyze the oddness of an upper-class establishment allowing working-class men into their club once a year.  It seems a charitable thing, as well as, perhaps, a way to maintain some of the camaraderie which emerged almost a decade before during the war.

            The fashion in this documentary is reflective of the soft city as well.  All the boys are dressed well when they go to their clubs.  They wear suits and ties to go dancing at the youth clubs, while wearing more traditional garb on many of their laboring jobs.  Ackroyd[4] discusses how they used this garb to distinguish themselves from youth in other working class areas and from the upper-classes.  This feeling of neighborhood spirit is reflected in their language, the way they speak, and the song they sing in the trucks while driving through Westminster-- announcing to people that they are the Lambeth Boys.

            The baby boomer generation of the 1950’s, when there was a large youth culture emerging, eventually blossomed into the middle-aged 1970’s, which is when our next movie, Bermondsey, takes place.  This movie is about a lower-middle-class homosexual man, Bob, and his upper-class lover, Pip.  It contains a substantial amount of dialogue between Pip and Bob’s wife Iris, about why Pip spends his holidays “slumming” with their family, and not in his mother’s “castle.”  Pip takes offense to this assertion.  Instead, he says that he prefers being with them, because they have real love and real relationships, whereas his mother and he have a cold, unfeeling relationship.

            Both Pip and Iris have skewed visions of what it is like to be from another class.  Iris imagines that the Christmases are more glamourous with the finery and high-born guests, whereas the idea of a quiet family Christmas with Iris, Bob, and their children is much more appealing to Pip.  He feels their house is more homey and more welcoming than his mother’s.  This is a case of people desiring what they do not have, and thinking that the things they have are not good enough, or not as good as another option.  The reality of Pip’s life is never shown in this film in terms of the Hard city, as the film’s setting is a two rooms of Bob and Iris’s home.  The setting appears rather cosy and comfortable, filled with personal artifacts, and Christmas decorations, with people coming and going constantly.  The film’s visual aspects and the mis-en-scene match Pip’s vision of Iris and Bob’s life, though, as we know, reality is never what one sees on the outside.  Rarely does emotional and relational reality match the visual scene.

            As for the visual scene, or the Hard city of London-- there is none of the actual city of London in this film.  It was shot entirely in a studio, inside.  The story takes place in their connecting kitchen and sitting rooms.  The room itself is very British;  it is a basement living space, the decor is very 70’s, and the sound effects of drinking and camaraderie waft down the stairs from the pub under which they live.

            The drinking sounds and the merely the concept of the English pub is indicative of the Soft city.  This Soft city element is one which has endured throughout much of British history, though the pubs of the 70’s were different because they reflected the social life and culture of 70‘s London.  The idea of class problems is also a reflective of British society throughout the ages since the enlightenment and John Locke brought about ideas of social reform and human rights.  This film is unique because it discussed the envy not only of the poor to be rich, but also of the rich envying the poor their freedom.

            The last film we will discuss is Sweeney Todd, a modern film about Victorian London, which was also shot almost entirely in a studio.  The film opens with a dark, establishing shot of the London skyline, including the Tower of London.  By using the Tower as his establishing shot, even re-colored and darkened in his auteur fashion, Tim Burton can be criticized to have chosen the most expedient and convenient, according to Ian Sinclair[5], of London landmarks.  Sinclair gives the impression of the Tower as a tired, overused landmark which has lost much of its meaning and individuality except as a cinematic symbol of London.

            Everything in Burton’s drama is dark, and the representation of the hard city is extremely affected in Tim Burton’s visual style.  All the gothic elements of the buildings are exaggerated to a level beyond which they appeared in real buildings of London.  The hard city is comprised of sets, and re-imaginings of what London would have looked like in Victorian days.  It is also reflective of the social feelings of the soft city.  Which is evidenced in the opening song’s lyrics which Todd, played by Johnny Depp, sings:

 

There's a hole in the world like a great black pit,

and the vermin of the world inhabit it,

and its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit,

and it goes by the name of London.

At the top of the hole sit the privileged few

Making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo

turning beauty to filth and greed...

I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders,

for the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru

but there's no place like London!

 

            Todd’s words speak not only of the Hard city, London, as a place which is dark, dirty and damp, but also of the Soft city, the culture as one of cruel and greedy men in all class levels who corrupt the good of the city until there is nothing left.  The line in which he talks about the “privileged few” is foreshadowing of the story, as Todd has already suffered great hardship on the part of Judge Turpin, who, out of greed, ruined Todd’s life and took everything he loved from him.  It is important to note that Todd, at this point in the story, is well-traveled, and is finally returning home to a London he has grown to despise, his only hope of happiness being that somehow, in some way, his family has managed to survive under the oppressive immorality of the city.

            Burton paints a perfect reflection of the Soft city in the way he builds the set of the Hard city of London.  The relationships between the characters is also representative of the Soft city, as they all fall into their social roles and play them out in the way, and with the same motivations that Todd has prescribed them in the opening song.  Judge Turpin continues to be greedy and steps on the lower classes in his drive to get what he wants-- going to Todd for a shave to impress his ward-- who happens to be Todd’s daughter.  The characters interact in the movie through personal motivation.  Mrs. Lovett, who appears to love Todd, is revealed in the end to have forced their relationship by making Todd believe that his wife had committed suicide.

            Victorian London is presented by Burton in a different way than many directors have presented it in the past, with the East End being completely industrialized.  Burton, on the other hand, has created an East End of London which is lacking in industrial fog, and simply appears dark, dirty, and full of people and shops.  There is no Jack-the-Ripper sense of danger when people are on the streets; the danger lies within the walls of Todd’s Fleet Street Barbershop.  In this way, Sweeney Todd is a genre-breaking Victorian-era film.

            A genre-breaking film which presents the East vs. West class struggles on a much more personal scale than we have discussed before.  Where Bermondsey discusses class as an abstract thought, there is no oppression which goes along with being a member of the lower classes.  In Sweeney Todd, the main character is personally oppressed by the power that Judge Turpin has in his upper-class position.  Shosho, by contrast is not oppressed, but rather is a taint on upper-class society as a Chinese woman, and the boys in We are the Lambeth Boys are not oppressed by the upper-classes, but are rather living in tandem with them, albeit with a different type of life.

            Comparing the class system and the East/West divide in London films is quite easy as these are such common themes throughout the years in British cinema.  Racism and class go hand-in-hand, and class and oppression as well.

 

Bibliography:

  • Ackroyd, P. Fortune not design.  In:

  • P.  Ackroyd, London: a biography.

  • London:  Chatto & Windus, 2000, pp. 753-768.

  • Burrows, J.  (2009)  A Vague Chinese Quarter Elsewhere: Limehouse in the Cinema 1914-39.  In Journal of British cinema and television 6 (2) pp. 282-301.  Edinburgh: Edinburgh University Press.

  • Sinclair, I.  Cinema Purgaturio.  In:

  • I.  Sinclair, Lights out for the territory: 9 excursions in the secret history of London.

  • London:  Penguin, 2003, pp. 271-321

Filmography:

  • Bermonsey. Dir. Claude Whatham. Perf. Sharon Duce, Edward Fox, Dinsdale Landen, Rosemary Leach. BBC, 1972. Thirty-Minute Theatre.

  • Piccadilly. Dir. E.A. Dupont. Perf. Gilda Gray, Anna May Wong, Jameson Thomas. British International Pictures, 1929. Film.

  • Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Dir. Tim Burton. Perf. Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman. Dreamworks, 2007. Film.

  • We Are the Lambeth Boys. Dir. Karl Reisz. Perf. Jon Rollason, Tony Benson, Adrian Harding, Brian Mott. Graphic Films, 1958. Documentary

[1] Burrows, J.  A Vague Chinese Quarter Elsewhere (Edinburgh University Press: Edinburgh) pp. 295

[2] Burrow, J. pp. 296

[3] Ackroyd, P. Fortune not design. (London:  Chatto & Windus, 2000) pp. 753

[4] Ackroyd, P.  pp. 754

[5] Sinclair, I.  Cinema Purgaturio.  (London:  Penguin, 2003) pp. 304

Rear Window [Academic Musings]

This was a fun paper! In this exercise, I talked about how important editing is to Hitchcock’s filmmaking style.

Rear Window’s Unique Narrative Form

            Hitchcock’s film Rear Window is a prime example of many prolific editing techniques, several of which were mainstreamed by the film itself. The most interesting editing technique used by Hitchcock speaks to Lev Kulishov’s theories relating to the juxtapositions of images to each other in the editing of a film. Additionally, Rear Window is unique in that the protagonist, Jeffries, is completely confined to a single room in his apartment for the entirety of the film. Finally, Hitchcock’s direct treatment of subplots makes the film notable.

            We begin with Kulishov’s theories relating to images surrounding an actor’s facial expressions -- in this instance, the facial expressions of James Stewart and Grace Kelly. The meanings of their gazes were completely controlled by editing in this film, as the camera must always be placed in between the actor and the object of their gaze because of the set’s layout. The character’s face can be shot in profile looking out the window, or from the exterior of the window (with the camera looking inward) as the actor gazes outward. These shots are then edited by Hitchcock to sit in between images depicting what the actor is supposedly looking at during filming. What Kulishov’s experiments discovered is that the editor has great power to influence the meaning of an actor’s facial expression by what images are placed around it. Elizabeth Cowie explains, in her article on the film, that if you take an image of James Stewart’s Jeffries smiling as he looks out his window at the little dog being lowered in its basket down to the courtyard, it brings to mind a much different different connotation than if he was smiling while watching a little girl undressing in her bedroom.

            The form of Rear Window gives the director greater control over the content of the film than its contemporaries. The acting is dependent on editing for the performance to be interpreted with the correct meaning. Hitchcock could have changed the connotation of James Stewart’s entire performance by substituting surrounding images with other images. The way that Stewart expresses emotion informs the way that the audience thinks, not only about what Jeffries is seeing, but about the character of Jeffries himself. If his reactions do not match what the audience expects them to be, it can change the audience’s opinion of the character. With the voyeuristic nature of the film, it would have been easy to make Jeffries into a lecherous old man even after the filming was over, simply through editing.

            Changing the character of Jeffries in post-production would be quite easy, due to the necessity of filming all the scenes in segments. Hitchcock had to film action in Jeffries’ apartment separately from events the characters are reacting to in the apartment building across the courtyard. The film’s characters are limited to observing the action from Jeffries’ apartment; therefore, the entirety of Rear Window is filmed from the vantage point of the apartment. However, Hitchcock is able to expand the action far beyond the four walls of Jeffries apartment. Jeffries’ nurse and his girlfriend Lisa involve themselves in the investigation of Lars Thorwald (the suspected murderer) by digging up the garden and by breaking in to his apartment. The audience is limited by Jeffries’ limitations -- we can see, but we cannot leave his apartment. Very few films are able to be successful with this format, but Rear Window actually excels with this format. Hitchcock has essentially created a film within a film. Jeffries finding ways to entertain himself is the main premise. Naturally, this has led him to one of the most basic forms of entertainment: people-watching. Essentially, Jeffries is doing exactly what every film audience does, though what he is watching is real in the context of the film. We can imagine that a modern-day Rear Window could have Jeffries setting up video cameras and viewing the action on different screens in his apartment. The different windows of the apartment building are like television sets, each showing different films. Jeffries observes each story of these films equally in the beginning of Rear Window. The Lars Thorwald story seems to be a subplot to the more interesting stories of Ms. Torso, the Newlyweds, Ms. Lonelyhearts, and the Songwriter. We soon find, however, that the Lars Thorwald story becomes a murder mystery, and the most riveting. The other stories become subplots, much less important than the murder of Mrs. Thorwald.

            The creating of literal subplots in Rear Window is almost completely unique to this film. You have everyone in the film living in the same, yet completely segregated world. The only thing that connects the story of Ms. Lonelyhearts to Lars Thorwald and Ms. Torso is the main character’s insistence on watching them. When the action lulls, when Lars Thorwald leaves his apartment or when he spends time alone smoking in the dark, the story focuses on the different subplots -- the different windows. At one point, the subplot of Ms. Lonelyhearts actually competes with the main story-line. She begins to commit suicide, but is stopped from hurting herself when she hears the beautiful music of the songwriter in another apartment.  Though the characters in Jeffries’ apartment are the only ones who know about Ms. Lonelyheart’s attempt at suicide, they would not have been able to save her.  This parallel’s the notion that sometimes knowledge is not power -- the omniscient audience has already learned this through the suspense of knowing things which happen while Jeffries is asleep.

            Thus, for these three reasons, Rear Window’s editing is central to its plot.  The editing makes this film work, if it was done with less flourish and skill, Rear Window would be completely disjointed, the facial expressions of the actors could easily have been misaligned with the action, the suspense could have been broken up with scenes occurring outside of Jeffries’ apartment, or the subplots could have been pointless and unwoven into the story-line. Instead, the subplots, the confined space of Jeffries apartment and his limitations and his inability to act reflect the experience of the viewer. The actor’s facial expressions are subtle and effective against their surrounding images.  Thus, Rear Window is a triumph of editing.

Sometimes I write papers including my dad... [Academic Musings]

So, I was going through my old papers when I found this gem about interpersonal communication. Specifically nonverbal communication. I’ve recently been working on the Great Course about Understanding Emotion, which talks a lot about communication studies, so I’ve been thinking about these classes I used to take. My poor family and friends have had so many papers including them over the years… :D

Conceptions of Space

Katy Hannah

Leap Day/2012

           Our conceptions of space are absolutely fascinating.  The fact that standing a foot apart from someone that you are talking to means different things in different circumstances is ridiculous, yet completely understandable.  Being on a subway packed tightly with other people is deemed “normal,” but coming up and sitting directly beside someone on a couch in the student lounge is “abnormal.”  Or at least uncomfortable.

           In Knapp and Hall, they discuss defense mechanisms to deal with crowding (Knapp and Hall145).  People adapt to situations where they are forced to be in a high density area.  For instance, when we take the subway, we block inputs as a coping mechanism.  We block the discomfort we feel at having to sit next to someone, and perhaps we even block our discomfort at actual physical touches, because we know that neither us nor the person next to us can avoid the touch, as much as we would like to.

           It is also interesting how we treat public areas which are not particularly crowded.  The studies by Russo in our Nonverbal Communication textbook are equal parts hilarious and fascinating (Knapp and Hall 141).  In his experiment, he goes up to female college students in a library and tests their reactions -- their physical and verbal reactions to his approach, whether or not they leave, and if they do leave, how quickly they left.  I think the study says something interesting about Russo, because he had discomfort to overcome simply in doing the experiment.  We do not want to invade other people’s territory.  It is even in the code of ethics with which we are raised.  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  We would not want people invading our space, so we subconsciously and consciously avoid invading other’s space.  Of course, this varies from person to person.

           My dad is a key example of this.  He is a fascinating human being when it comes to his nonverbal communication.  There is his chair in the living room, and it is “his” chair; however, when someone sits in the chair before him, he rarely makes them move unless he is sitting down for the night to watch one of his Masterpiece shows.  My family is odd in that we do not have a set way in which we seat ourselves when we watch television.  Most of my friends and other family members have a sort of unspoken seating arrangement in their houses.  I have some friends whose family members have their territory is so clearly marked out, that they would not even sit in someone else’s seat if the other was out of the house!  These people even feel uncomfortable when their guests sit in their “father’s” chair, regardless of the fact that he is at work at the time.

           My family may have our own territorial areas of the house, but none of us is particularly perturbed when those areas are disturbed.  I am not sure why this is the case, it was not exactly like this when I was a child.  When I was younger, I would freak out if my brother went in my room.  A classmate mentioned in class that in her culture, the parents room even remains a locked and “forbidden” place in the house for children.  I find this odd and confusing.  I suppose that my parent’s philosophy about raising us in an honest household spilled into the way that they treated their and our territories.  Everything, including both territory and knowledge, is shared in our home.  We eat dinner at a round table where there is no “head” to the table.

           But back to my dad.  He is weird about public territory.  When one goes to parties, ones generally finds a place to sit, and that becomes their seat for the night, but my dad tends to move around and find various places to sit throughout the night, regardless of who may have been sitting there before.  Of course, he does not do this at a dinner party where you sit and use the utensils in that one area, but he does this for most any other party.  You may say, well he must be very social, very interested in meeting new people if he is moving from place to place.  Nope.  My father is, if not antisocial, not outgoing.  He is very much an introvert like myself.

           Also, he frequently talks about meetings at work where he moves to a different seat for every meeting.  Apparently it drives his colleagues crazy, because he never sits in the same place twice.  I can imagine that they would “dread” coming into a meeting, because they never know if they will be able to sit in “their” seat.  He simply thinks it is hilarious; says it “keeps people on their toes.”  My dad has actually encouraged me to try it in class, and I must say it sounds tempting, but I do not want people to think I am weird.  Also, if I move around from place to place, I feel as if I will not have a particular rapport with anyone in my classes.  This type of behavior is not consistent with making friends because it defies norms.  I think that it offers my father a distinct disadvantage in his workplace to move around from place to place during meetings, because it may give his colleagues a poor impression of him when they come into a meeting and perceive that he is in “their” seat.

           It is not something that we think about, but our use of territory and our treatment of other’s territory makes an impression on how others see us.  For instance, when I sit in the student lounge in the Engineering building, I will frequently take a small round table to myself to study, and I know that this will be deemed acceptable, because it is common behavior.  However, I am very careful not to take more than one armchair, because these are separate pieces of territory.  This is how the armchairs are arranged:

ABC

D

(Except that chair D is facing right instead of at you.)  I find that people will look poorly on me if someone is occupying chair D, and I sit in chair B, because this closes off chairs A and B from being comfortably occupied.  If I sit in chair A, however, I am sitting too close to the person in chair D, so this is a wrong choice, also.  The only option, then is to sit in chair C, which is uncomfortable for me, because it is right next to the door, and facing away from it.  This instance, however, has occurred more than once, and instead of sitting in chair B, which would be the most comfortable option for me, I will sit in chair C to appear as polite as possible.  Of course, the location of the wall outlets is also a problem, so if I need to charge my computer, the only correct option is B, because the wall outlet is directly behind chair D, and my cord will not reach all the way to chair C, but I should still not sit in chair A because it is too close to the occupant of chair D.  Therefore, I will sit in chair B, and no one will think me rude, because they will see my short tether to the wall.

           I find territoriality to be a very interesting field of nonverbal communication because it certainly affects us more than we care to say.  Common courtesy is very often based upon how we use space.  For instance, holding the door for someone while standing in the doorframe and expecting them to go under your arm is considered rude or odd, even though the gesture may be meant as a kind one.  Instead, we know that when we open the door for someone, we open it fully and stand back so they can get through.  It is a nonverbal signal that they may go in front of us, and in the process, it may disrupt the flow of traffic and others must adjust their personal territories by slowing down or distancing themselves psychologically from those around them by looking away and withdrawing into themselves.

           It is also fascinating, because the way we use territory directly affects what people think about us and how we react to each other in everyday encounters!

The History of Rhetoric [Academic Musings]

Taking a full-on history of Rhetoric class was one of my favorites in undergrad. The format of the class was also fantastic — we only had one paper for the course and it was a review and overview of what we learned with some sort of argument. I don’t remember the exact prompt for the essay, but I remember loving writing this essay. All 5600 words of it. I’ll argue all day long that no education is complete without understanding rhetorical history. 

 Rhetoric

Katy Hannah

            Prior to this class, I had no definite thoughts or opinions on the subject of rhetoric.  It seems to me to be a broad, undefinable idea of which one could give examples, but no clear definition or quintessential example.  Rhetoric seemed to be irreversibly intermingled with political argument and political discourse.  It seemed to be more than a simple tool, but a way of expressing argument, spreading idealistic information, and especially a way to deflect negative criticism through "spin."  To me, rhetoric was the use of old ideas and party lines; what defined it was its inherent use of spin to persuade and, perhaps, dazzle the audience.

            I will go chronologically through the class and discuss my changing views on rhetoric.  Like many of the people who have delved into this subject, I do not believe that there will ever be a universal definition of rhetoric, or a single correct rhetorical theory.  The main reason for this is because rhetoric has been defined in so many different ways over the years and all of these definitions have been so often refuted that no one can trace the term back to what it was originally intended to mean.  Even if one could find rhetoric's original meaning, that would necessitate the term be deemed archaic and useless to today's society.  Rhetoric and language, like society, must develop and evolve to remain relevant and useful.

            In the time of Gorgias, Plato, and Aristotle, rhetoric was thought of as a definable term; it meant the use of oratory to persuade.  It was during this time that education was becoming viewed as the way to transfer power.  People the elite did not want to rise to power were receiving educations.  Though the idea that power is transferred and gained through education is practically null in today's society due to accessible education to many, especially in the United States, it is fascinating to me that the ancients placed so high a value on education in an oral society where knowledge was transferred through discourse.  I would think that the transfer of knowledge would happen inherently and that rhetorical education was merely superfluous and necessary for those who wished to speak from the place of the educated elite.  Rhetoric, the only available form of education, was the study of being a persuasive orator.  The ability to persuade is how people gained power through politics in those days. Rhetorical education was helpful in this respect, but not necessary in the eyes of people such as Isocrates who believed that the educational part was only secondary to a speaker's natural talent.  In many people's eyes, education, or the ability to use rhetoric, was power.  The fact that rhetoric was associated with power early in its study, is the main point that I will take from the ancient Greeks.

            In their individual theories and ideas, I am inclined to agree with Aristotle above the rest of the Greeks in his theories and applications of rhetoric.  Plato flipped flopped in his views of the subject and although I admire his ability to grow in his opinions and theories, I do not think that he ever grasped the importance of rhetorical oratory in society, and its positive uses.  He thought that rhetoric could be used to uplift the individual soul and get closer to the Gods.  Plato's ideal use of discourse was to raise oneself and the audience up to the first order form through valuable and moral discourse, as he believed was inherent of true rhetoric.  Gorgias believed that one could charm an audience through decorous, highly persuasive speeches.  I believe that Gorgias would be in favor of playing on an audience's naivety in order to persuade them to a certain point of view. However, I do not think that this would provide positive lasting results for the speaker.  If one were to play on the audience's fears, hopes, or dreams to persuade them to come around to one's way of thinking and if rhetoric truly had the ability to enchant and work magic on the listener, then, from my understanding, this magic and charm of persuasion would be temporary in most of the listeners.  Common sense reigns supreme.

            A good example of this comes later in history, with the Salem Witch Trials.  Women were using persuasive speech when giving testimony against other "witches" in order to save their own lives.  By passing the blame by playing on the citizens' fear of witchcraft, evil, and the Devil, these women were able to save their own lives by convincing juries of their peers that other women were witches, and that they were only under other's enchantments.  The other townspeople who were involved in the witch hunt also used persuasive speech in order to continue their search for evil and to pick apart each other's lives.  Arguments of ergot poisoning and mass panic resulted in mob rule aside, it was speech and oratory that fueled the trials and kept the witch hunts going as long as they did.  If people had stopped talking about it, lost interest, or realized that their superstitions and accusations were unfounded, the entire incident could have been averted or stopped before so many people lost their lives to irrational fear.

            I believe that using rhetoric as a persuasive tool by playing on human and society's weaknesses (the use which Gorgias describes) can be a natural reflex.  The use of persuasion in tense or dangerous situations is the evolved instinctual "fight or flight" response.  The uses of speech (and Gorgias's uses of rhetoric) evolved as human language skills evolved.  Persuasive language is frequently more effective for changing or manipulating someone's mind than physical force.  I think that Gorgias and other Sophists (whom Isocrates would later go on to critique) based their teachings of rhetorical speaking methods on their discovery of this instinctual use of speech.   It makes sense that the Sophists would want to harness this ability and teach it within rhetorical education.  People, when in a tight spot, can do and say very creative and powerful things.  Even when people are not emotionally compromised or in danger, they are able to persuade and to be persuaded because we all have underlying fears and concerns about life and society which, if were are not vigilant, can be exploited.

            Aristotle presents the idea that rhetoric, while being a tool, should be used in a moral way to uplift, not only the speaker and the audience, but society itself.  I agree with his ideas that rhetoric is not inherently good or evil, nor a single type or means of persuasion.  His opinions on the use of rhetoric, saying that it should be used to come to practical decisions about clearly definable subjects, differ from mine, in that I would not separate rhetoric from dialectic.  Dialectic was the discussion of philosophy and the search for the ultimate Truth.  In today's society, we do not believe in an absolute truth, we believe that truth is relative.  I believe that rhetoric can be defined as dialectic, or, in Aristotle's day, persuasive dialectic.  When one is persuading another to understand their personal philosophy on life, they are speaking of a logical argument about philosophy.  The difference between rhetoric and dialectic, I believe, may be reconciled.  Rhetoric does not have to be completely logical, it can be based in opinion and emotion, but dialectic does not have to be merely logical or scientific, it can be persuasive.  This is especially the case because one's views on philosophy are often things of great personal and emotional value.  We argue and attempt to persuade others in favor of things which we find valuable.

            Another thing which I find very valuable about Aristotle's writings concerning rhetoric, is that through his outlines of what  makes a good speaker, he practically lays down the groundwork for the study and analyzation of public speaking as we know it today.  He presents proofs and persuasion as inartistic and artistic, which places agency on the speaker to use available information, and to present it to his audience in a convincing and interesting way.  His presentations of the ideas of Ethos, or credibility, in a speaker are revolutionary.  We now know that credibility is a fundamental need for any speaker who wishes to be relevant, heard, and accounted.  Aristotle also presents two important ways to draw conclusions within a speech: inductive and deductive reasoning, and he does this through his two types of logos, enthymeme and example.  Making your audience use their reasoning skills improves the quality of the speechand will make them remember what you say for a longer period of time causing them to be more likely to act on what you say.

            One of the most valuable things that Aristotle presents as an ideal quality of the orator is pathos.  The speaker must not only feel emotionally connected to what he is saying, but to also persuade; the speaker must effectively convey these emotions.  This is an important note on rhetoric:  if one does not truly feel the emotions they are attempting to convey, they will not succeed, and their message will ring false to the audience.  "Rhetoric is useful because things that are true and things that are just have a natural tendency to prevail over their opposites," --Aristotle.

            Cicero lived in Rome on the cusp of the Roman Republic and the Roman Empire.  He is important and influential to my ideas on rhetoric in the fact that he laid out the Five Canons of Rhetoric.  I believe these are a crucial step in the history of public speaking.  They are still a relevant and effective tool used in oration today.   (Though, I must branch out and say that they are also an effective tool for persuasive writing.)  Cicero had little beyond this to contribute to rhetorical theory and analysis; however, he was greatly influential in developing ideals on how to use rhetoric and persuasion.  Cicero was greatly dedicated to the restructuring of and return to traditional Roman democracy over the oligarchical and corrupt government in which he lived.  He believed that rhetoric should be used by wise politicians for the good of society.  It was his belief that society could be changed and remade through elegant, wise and persuasive speech.

            I greatly agree with Cicero's assertions that speech and rhetoric should be used for the benefit of society, and am inclined to believe that when he says the ideal speaker is both wise and eloquent, that he is referring to the long-held Aristotelean belief that the wise speaker who speaks honestly and from the heart will prevail.  Cicero seems to believe that if one speaks the truth from a place of wisdom, they can change society.  This would account for the fact that we are more inclined to trust politicians with age and experience.  It makes sense that these wise orators (politicians) would be able to question the status quo eloquently and persuasively to an audience and thus move the status quo back to a more fair and just place.  Of course, this would be a utopian society, and Cicero was not living in one.  He was therefore killed for his negative views on Roman society moving toward elitism and empire.

            After Cicero, the next notable and influential on my quest to define rhetoric is Quintillian.  He presents some important ideas about rhetoric. Firstly, he mirrored Cicero's beliefs that rhetoric should be used for the betterment of society but presented this idea under the benefits of rhetorical education.  Quintillian said that a moral rhetorical education was necessary for the glory and betterment of Rome (suggesting that Rome needed to be bettered).  This was an indisputable idea at the time (the betterment of Rome), though his contemporaries must have suspected his desire for the return to a more democratic form of government.  Quintillian is harkening back to the idea that education facilitates the transfer of power.  If the Roman citizenry was learning to be moral, fair, and just, as well as persuasive, it makes sense that they would take the power of their education and shift the government in a more fair and just direction.  Education is power, and Quintillian wanted to give a good education to students, therefore giving them the power that was being taken away from them via the bad education which they were receiving under the eye of the Roman Empire.  Quintiallian disagreed with the fact that he was being forced to teach obedience under the guise of a rhetorical education.

            The Cicero and Quintillian era through the middle ages is interesting to me because these people were not attempting to define rhetoric, they were attempting to define how, when, where, and to whom rhetoric should and could be used effectively.  It is in this era that we shift from rhetorical theory to people arguing for their rights to use rhetoric and persuasive speech.  This was an era of oppression in which oppressed peoples were asserting their right to use rhetoric.

            After the Roman Empire fell and Christianity rose to prominence, there was a slew of rhetorical "theorists" all asserting their ideas on the subject and their right to use rhetoric.  During the middle ages, Renaissance, and Enlightenment there was Augustine, Christine de Pizan, Erasmus, and Margaret Fell, all of whose ideas revolve around the fact that they lived in Christian society and viewed their lives through the lens of their religion.  In my view of rhetorical history, the only person whose ideas I believe were particularly important to the development of rhetorical theory is Erasmus.  Augustine presented the idea that rhetoric could be used in conversion.  Pizan wanted women to receive rhetorical educations in order to persuade their husbands and children to make good decisions and be moral within the female arena of the private sphere.  Margaret Fell argued for women's rights to speak in church.  Erasmus was the main person who presented new ideas to the world of rhetoric, and introduced important notions to the world of public speaking.

            Ideas reflecting humanist beliefs were revolutionary.  To me, it is Erasmus's widespread and accepted humanist ideas that were the impetus for the whole direction of rhetorical theory in the future.  Humanism in the Renaissance period was essentially the empowerment of the individual man through an education which taught him to be critical of society and the world and encouraged him to form his own opinions and perceptions.  It is in this way that humanists believed and accomplished changing their views and even physical situations.  It can be attributed to the rise of humanism that the Protestant Revolution, Enlightenment, and the breaking of the Catholic Church occurred.  When it comes to Erasmus, humanism was important in that it gave him a unique view on the world which resulted in his ideas concerning copiousness.

            He presented the value of saying something in many different ways in order to reach one's entire audience.  He supports speaking with different mannerisms and levels of emotion and decoration.  It is also important to Erasmus to speak with a plethora of examples and enthymemes.  He supported the use of variety in oratory and using whatever possible means at one's disposal in order to communicate the message to the audience.  It was important, for instance, that he supported the use of the vernacular in his time since this helped facilitate the shift from speaking Latin in church to speaking in the vernacular in church.  He also set the basis for one of my favorite ideas from Bacon's rhetorical theory:  the idol of the marketplace. 

            Erasmus was one of the first of his time to introduce decorative, grand speaking styles back to the world of rhetoric.  Previous to this, the goal of the speaker was to present new ideas to make the audience think.  In Ancient Greece, the audience was consisted of educated citizens, so they perhaps had a need for plainer language in order to impart the appearance of honesty in their speeches.  Since Erasmus and speakers of his day were speaking to the uneducated masses, it makes sense that their oratory would move toward being more decorous.  The uneducated would be less likely to be skeptical of grand speaking styles.  As humans, we are programmed to trust strong emotions in others.  This is rooted to our biological responses to tone in the human voice.  If someone is speaking with a fearful tone, we feel fear.  We have empathy towards people who are impassioned and who display commonly shared human emotions; therefore, we can be manipulated through the speaker's use of these emotions.

            The next person to really impact my views of rhetorical theory was Sir Francis Bacon.  I agree completely with his belief that invention occurs outside the realm of rhetoric.  Our understanding of something is only represented through how we speak and share discourse about it.  Bacon's use of rhetoric within the realm of science was especially noteworthy because he was putting the idea in to more definable and certain terms than the Christian ideas of rhetoric which was to decipher the Bible.  I agree with Bacon's assertion that language neither constructs nor reflects reality but is in itself inherent in reality.

            Though we created language long ago, it is my view that within the modern, highly developed English language, every thought one could ever have can be expressed.  To Bacon and myself, rhetoric neither constructs nor reflects reality.  How we express these things does, indeed, reflect the way they will be viewed and accepted, or rejected by society.  Because we want to share our discoveries and claim credit for our ingenuity in discovering or creating new uses for things, we want to express these discoveries, and the means and the main mean we have for expression is discourse.  Discourse can be either written or spoken, but the way we represent both ourselves and our "discoveries" will directly affect the way they are perceived.

            It is because of this that Bacon developed his four idols.  He believes that these notions are crucial to understanding the human condition, and I would agree.  The idols of the theatre refer to false notions and beliefs we have towards things which blind us to seeing the world in other ways besides our own.  Here I would place superstition and harken back to my example of the Salem Witch Trials.  Their fears of evil came from their belief in evil, and this warped their senses of morality, and allowed them to do evil, while still believing that they were doing good.  Idols of the theatre are social understandings and social constructs such as religion, race, philosophy, and other ideals which blind us to other ways of thinking and other people's truths.

            Idols of the tribe refer to humanity's innate point of view, due simply to the fact that we are human.  We see the world around us in relation to our species.  The sky is not somewhere we can explore on a daily basis, as it is for a bird.  We see the world parallel to the ground, unlike birds who's views are perpendicular, and give them a sightline of everything from above.  We see fire hydrants as ways to keep buildings from burning down but dogs see them as something on which to urinate.  We see things in a certain way because we are human.  Of all the idols, I am inclined to believe that this is the only one which a completely "innocent" and open-minded person possesses.  It's simply impossible to not be under the influence of this idol, for even when one allows oneself to see the world from the perspective of a dog, one will never fully understand this perspective, because one will never actually be a dog.

            The idols of the cave, while also being based upon inherent biological traits, is less innocent and insubstantial then the idols of the tribe.  The idols of the cave are the unique quirks which make us view the world differently from other individuals.  Eye color, biological sex, height, age, and hair color are all idols of the cave.  We can understand other's points of views who have different traits from us, because these idols are based upon our physical experiences of the world.  To understand other's points of view, you can always change your appearance to experience how others are treated.  This, to me, is a very innocuous idol, and perhaps has less impact upon us in today's society.  We constantly live with people who are different from ourselves.  A good example of where this idol has had historical importance, is Nazi Germany.  The ideals of the master race were primarily concerned with physical traits.  In Nazi Germany, blonde hair, blue eyes, and white skin was considered superior while arians were really the same biological race as jews (caucasian).  In this case, the majority race and its ideal views of beauty were considered preferable.  On the other hand,  in Asian societies, even today, having blonde hair and blue or green eyes is considered desirable and attractive, because these are traits different from the norm.  These examples represent polar opposites of how the idols of the tribe can effect society's views, individuals experiences, and societal prejudices.

            Bacon's final idol, the idol of the marketplace has often been cited as the most troublesome of the idols.  Bacon himself thought that this idol was the biggest concern and barrier to effective dialogue.  Idols of the marketplace are the different conceptions that we all have of words and phrases.  We could say that these idols are the connotations (emotion, image, prejudice associated with certain words) as opposed to the denotations (standard, textbook definitions) of words.  We all have different understandings and definitions of every word within our vocabulary.  This can be as complicated and loaded with history as the words "cult," "fundamental," "extremist,"  (even the use of these three words together will come up with a very different idea in one's mind than if they were used apart) or, as simple and unloaded as the words "pants," "cone," and "salt."  These conjure up less loaded and emotional ideas, but will still conjure extremely different images in each person's mind. 

            One of the best examples I can give as to each of us having different definitions of words, is in our reactions to names.  Every name will conjure up a different image for each of us; especially common names.  For example, we all think of different Jessica's, George's, Bill's, and Joe's.  There are very few names of which we will all conjure up the same image and even among those names, there will be variances in our particular images of these people.  Especially among Biblical names and religious figures (Jesus, Moses, Mohammed).  For some, in order to conjure the same image of a name, both a first and surname are necessary.  For example, we will all conjure different images of the name "Margaret," but when it is specified that one is talking about "Margaret Thatcher," we will have a more specific and universal idea of whom is being spoken.

            I think that Bacon presents some of the most fluid and inclusive ideas on rhetorical theory.  He includes the value of education on discourse, includes the necessity of copiousness (though, he approaches this necessity from a less decorous and persuasive standpoint, and more from a scientific and logical standpoint), and reflects, what, to me, are the true boundaries of that which rhetoric can define.

            For me, rhetoric and language are almost interchangeable terms.  There is the key difference in that language is that which constructs rhetoric, and rhetoric is the use of language to understand, argue, and discuss social norms and the status quo.  Some may argue that I place rhetoric in a place which should be held by dialectic, but I disagree.  Dialectic is an antiquated idea.  It is limited and irrelevant in modern society and because of our scientific and contingent views of the world.  Because we are no longer searching for the ultimate Truth, we are no longer using dialectic in the way it was used in ancient times.  Rhetoric has taken over for dialectic as the aegis under which discourse falls.  Rhetoric is special because it takes into effect humanist views while it teaches and works with the knowledge that every individual's perception and experience of the world differs.  Rhetoric's job is to reconcile these differences.  Public speaking, social discourse, scientific discussion, debate, and many other fields which use discourse, are constantly engaging in rhetoric.

            Though I hold modern, humanist views of the uses and values of rhetoric, I disagree with many theorists whose ideas have come out in postmodern times. Our later readings had little to do with my understanding of rhetoric and my ideas on the true usefulness and nature of rhetoric.  I would go so far to say that I agree with Neitzsche in that we create groups and shared knowledge, but I believe that he and other postmodern theorists take rhetorical theory too far.  He says that every fact we know is simply a metaphor we've created to describe something.  I disagree with this assertion and would argue that truth exists outside of our individual language, in other languages, and nonverbally.  We understand a chair as a chair, but we are not constantly reminding ourselves that a chair is a chair and is used for sitting (or relaxing, or lounging; the variety of language simply reflects the subtle inherent differences in each of these actions).  If we had no language, we would still have an understanding of the uses of certain things, especially things which are self-explanatory in their appearance.

            Nakayama and Foucault pass beyond the realm of rhetoric in their discussions, though I agree with many of the conclusions which they draw about society.  With Nakayama, I agree that we need to expand from our general understanding of the world in relation to the dominant majority.  I believe that he is correct in saying that media is over-reflecting and supporting the status quo and that we should begin to address the ideas that what is considered normal is not really the norm, it is the norm which we have constructed socially.  Abnormality is more normal than the norm.  It is from Foucault that I take my ideas that discourse can be anything and everything, verbal and nonverbal.  I agree with his ideas on knowledge, the status quo, and societal norms and ideals being the result of the discourse of the powerful.  I admire his urgings for us to look at everyone's views of history, regardless of their power and influence, or lack of power and influence.  His introducing the idea of historiography was invaluable to my understanding of how we view rhetoric today because our entire understanding of rhetoric is based upon our interpretations of people's past ideas and the conclusions and connections we draw between these individual's ideas.

            Foucault's ideas on discourse as being disciplinary also struck a chord with me, though I would interpret the role of discourse as a disciplinary function in a much milder way than Foucault would.  I believe that discourse will make us self-police in certain instances but that people are always going to go against the status quo if they so inherently desire, or if they believe they are doing the right thing.  For example, the environmental movement and other "counter-culture" movements are often considered to be noble so much that discourse has changed.  We are now self-policing to make ourselves act against the status quo because it has become the ideal in many societal groups to make changes to our lifestyles (become more green, earth-friendly, active, etc.).   This supports Foucault's assertions that discourse is constantly questioning the status quo and changing it (sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, sometimes to keep things the same).  I enjoy the postmodern idea that every time dissident discourse appears, even if the status quo is later restored, the discourse leaves its mark, and will remain in the memories and subconscious of the people, even after the idea is defeated.

            The one rhetorical theorist with whom I almost completely disagreed with is Burke.  First, I disagree that the main use of rhetoric is to induce cooperation and conform people to societal norms through invented social ideals.  I also disagree with him that it is only through language that we can manipulate our environment.  We are perfectly capable of changing our environment in an animalistic way (that is, we can physically change our environment).  I highly disagree that humans "are the inventors of the negative."  I believe that the positive cannot exist without the negative.  A good example of this is the naturally occurring phenomenon of magnetism.  Animals are capable of saying no; anyone who owns a dog knows this.  My dog Gilbert is an example, he will absolutely refuse to go outside when it's raining because he hates getting wet.  There is little biological imperative for this, because he is accustomed to a life where becoming wet is only an inconvenience, not a detriment.  He will literally stop himself from going to the bathroom until absolutely necessary because this is what he wants, not what he needs.  Anyone who has a domesticated animal knows that animals are capable of saying no, of refusing our verbal or nonverbal requests.

            Animals and humans learn through negative and positive reinforcement.  It is only with a combination of these that we develop into effective, responsible, and properly functioning adults.  Too much negative reinforcement can cause someone to become callous, can create feelings of misuse or abuse, can make someone mistrusting, or even create a person who feels the need to constantly please others and search for positive reinforcement.  Too much positive reinforcement, however, can be just as damaging because this can manifest in selfishness, God complexes, need to rebel, or the inability to accept failure.  Burke says, "Humans are separated from their natural condition by instruments of their own making."  I fiercely disagree with this assertion; humans are always subject to their nature as an animal.  We all have hygienic and bodily needs from which we cannot separate ourselves.  No matter how high one climbs in society, we will always be connected to our natural condition.  Also, he says that our natural condition is to form groups, and overcome differences through speech and rhetoric.  I believe that this natural condition does not come from our need to find belonging in social groups, but because our understanding of safety in numbers is a survival instinct.

             Burke says that rhetoric, rather than being a tool used to persuade, is a tool used to create identification, and to close the gap between humans. It is through discourse and rhetorical devices which we communicate our personal identities and get to know others and become socially intimate with them.  It is my belief, however, that the ability to use rhetoric, to craft speech, is a natural ability of humans (of course, some humans are more adept to it than others, but this can be attributed to the fact that certain humans are more fit for certain tasks and occupations).  Though language and human methods of communication are "unnatural" to the world, I assert that they are inherently natural to us.  Human nature has natural and unnatural states of existence.  To humanity, invention is a necessary and vital part of the way that we interact with the world around us.  We are creatures of change while also being creatures of habit.  Though, through invention and the formation of groups, we create outsiders, it is through exclusion that excluded peoples create groups.  Often, these excluded, or fringe, groups can become powerful and influential to society.

            I do hold great respect for Sarah Grimke, hooks, Frederick Douglass, and other abolitionists, feminists, and activists who asserted their right to speak in public and engage in discourse.  I believe that their struggles for their right to use rhetoric and engage in public discourse was important to our development in society, but not our understanding of rhetorical theory.  It is more of a social commentary on discourse, which, while it falls under the aegis of rhetoric (in my opinion), and these commentaries are necessary for the development of discourse, these instances and works need to be separated from ideas which affect rhetoric as whole.

            Having given my definition of rhetoric, and my supporting arguments for my definition by expressing my opinions and understandings of ideas by rhetorical theorists throughout the ages, I will endeavor to express why I feel that rhetoric is still as relevant in today's society as it was in ancient Greece.  First, rhetoric is a constantly changing and evolving term.  It grows with society and technology; furthermore, speech, discourse, and debate, three key exercisable components of rhetoric, are necessary to talk about the growth of technology and society.  Without rhetorical devices, we would have no means of communication, of discussing our lives, and putting meaning and order to them orally and nonverbally.  Without language, we would lack basic knowledge structures, such as the ability to categorize our lives intellectually and theoretically, as opposed to simply visually.  Lastly, and most importantly, to me, rhetoric will always be applicable, and will always be relevant because it is an inherent ability in humans.  The ability to communicate is a natural human ability, as akin to us as breathing.  Just as the ability to hunt allows us to survive, the ability to use language and rhetoric has always been that which has allowed humans to thrive, to live amongst other humans, and to practice civilization.

Creative Writing Challenge: Moving Through Time

This is a Grad school creative writing assignment. The challenge was to write something in the world of the film Minority Report. This something would have to show the passage of time. This is a bit of an experiment for me. I tried to write with a voice very different from my normal one. I wrote from the perspective of a “precog” who lives with Dr. Iris Hineman, aka “the old one.”

Dolls Eye. Baneberry. Carnivorous vines that enjoy the strips of red meat that this one tosses near the estate wall. It lines us all around except the gates in the north and south. Of course those gates are always closed. We don't go out there. The elderly one used to leave, but no more. Now the gate hinges rust. Every month they scream when the man brings the cans and frozen foods. I hate that noise. The man is boring. I like him. No dreams come of him. No pain. He makes safe choices. Drives slow. Exercises regularly.

A vine snaps at this one's leg. We dodge it as it happens, easily. We always know when pain is coming. This body floats around it. Our hand tosses meat strips to the next group of Dolls Eyes. They snatch at the ground, their mouth-like, thorn-filled maws snag up steak bits amongst the rotting autumn leaves. Then they curl back up in the cracks and broken pieces of the stone wall.

We're inside. Benevolent plants snatch at this one's hair as we deliver tea. Dandelion. We find it disgusting but we drink it with the old one. She adds heaps of sugar, but it makes us gag. It's worse with sugar. It just sits beside the bitter. But drinking it with the old one, the woman, Dr. Iris, settles the place. Settles her demons. Makes her feel less guilt. For this one. And the others who see things further away.

We drink dandelion tea. We tend to plants. We trim, we rake, we compost. The winter is always calm and quiet. Our dreams are stable. We steer the old one toward agreement, peace, safety. Quiet winter.

Spring is vicious. Vibrant colors and sunshine burn out eyes. The old one is cheerful, but only because she cannot see the death surrounding us constantly. Birds peck the eyes out of their competition. Male squirrels tear out each other's throats in displays of dominance. Spring is violent. We long for the sleep of winter.

Long into the spring blooms, a man comes. Short, dark haired, desperate. This one hides behind a tree as he passes. He means no violence. He seeks answers. He must be avoided. We cannot save him from his turbulent future. There is too much pain there. We must skip the tea. She will drink it with him. He will trouble her. But he is here and there is nothing we can do about it. We only saw him coming briefly before he arrived. No time.

He has been pierced by the thorns of the Dolls Eyes. She will heal him. She has the antidote. She will point him to the ones who are like me. It doesn't matter. He will not hurt them. He is a creature of good despite his capacity for violence. At least that is what this one thinks.

We toss strips of meat to the disturbed vines. We are careful not to be seen. Spring is violent. It is a season of avoidance.

The intensity of green lightens for summer. Nothing is as wet. The rush of spring is over and parenthood ages. This one's mind is calmer with the decrease in violence.

We spend more time outside. We drink dandelion tea less. The old one stays in her room more. This means more work for us. We trim more plants. We re-pot more. The old one's experiments languish, but they are not our responsibility. We care. We maintain. We do not experiment. We are an experiment. 

The news screens we glance at occasionally show the others have been freed. No more "precogs" worshipped. No more "precriminals." The old one says they have gone to live a secluded life like this one. Away from people who can make them dream violence. This one doesn't dream violence. We simply see violence. But we are useless. We only see what happens an instant before it does. Enough to move. Enough to suffer.

This one should be with the others. We would be symbiotic. Like the ant and the aphid. But this one must wait. Summer persists.

Autumn falls. Leaves fall. The old one falls. This one travels. It is torture. Until finally this one arrives in a tundra. It is different from the swamps of the old one's home. There are different plants to tend and cultivate. They will be this one's choice. We will avoid the predatory plants the old one favored. This one prefers plants that bear fruit and vegetables.

We do bring with us a fern. It is native to our old swamp home. We tell the others about it. We tell them of the old one. We never speak of our dreams. This one steers the others around dangers and we live in fall. Constant fall to the sleep of winter.